PRETEND CIGARETTES
This isn’t the life that I was promised
Foolish of you to believe
Mock my faith if you will
Stoics don’t dare dream
Some edge on those tweezers
Papercuts graze me harder
Least immune I’ve ever been
This ain’t my story, barely even an npc
Catch of the day, just agony
Will you remember me?
Busy folding instead of calling
Roll me my pretend cigarettes
Swear it feels just like the real thing
[ I often wonder how life would’ve been
Without the smoke of my pretend cigarettes guiding me
I request you stand by me, hold me please
Till the light coming off my pretend cigarettes goes dim]
I’ve lived a long life but nothing to live by
Couldn’t prove I was ever living
Until I was told I was barely breathing
Something about my alveoli, or just one side
I thought these pretend cigarettes weren’t real
I was lied, to think I didn’t knew faux nor foe
Distorted cognition, blame only on me
Should’ve known better, but I’m just too green
Not the ones I need most, I can only dream
I should be fine as long as my packs not dry
Can’t promise I’ll be here once the smoke dies
Can a cigarette light really shine that bright?
I’m back to thinking, someone quick
I need my pretend cigarettes to soothe me
[ I often wonder how life would’ve been
Without the smoke of my pretend cigarettes guiding me
I request you stand by me, hold me please
Till the light coming off my pretend cigarettes goes dim]
Every hit, every smoke, my wit can’t take no more
How long can I avoid doing what’s rational?
A ticking timebomb, every time it only keeps worsening
Misery at midnight now a norm for me
How can I get by without nothing to distract me?
The Dark Hour without a Persona, memento mori
A shadow of who I used to be, can’t face me
Take your time, but the clock never waits a minute
Needless thoughts, undue anxiety
Need to manifest my pretend cigarettes urgently
I know these don’t work, not real, neither am I
Can wait till the light goes out and light another one
The Eden that I was promised becomes a dream come real.
[ I often wonder how life would’ve been
Without the smoke of my pretend cigarettes guiding me
I request you stand by me, hold me please
Till the light coming off my pretend cigarettes goes dim]
[ If the light shines no more, how will I live?
The last of the lights, till death come find me
I’m ready as long it earns me, till then let me be
Will remain as long as I have my pretend cigarettes with me]